The importance of truth in relationships

Honesty is the best policy. And yet many of us shy away from the truth. If truth is so highly valued, why do we still lie?

Frankly, most of us even lie about wanting the truth. If your partner was cheating on you all this time, would you be able to handle it? What would you do? What if they revealed their real motivations for cheating? What if it was because they found you boring in bed; not attractive enough; not rich enough; not smart enough; not skinny enough, etc? What if they confessed that they were just using you until they found something better? How would that make you feel? 

Chances are you would feel an overwhelming sense of hurt, injustice, disappointment and humiliation. To know that this person you loved was toying with your feelings. Had no intention of really being with you. They just used you for their own selfish gain. To satisfy their ego. To fill in the void. To kill some time. For their own entertainment. All those heartfelt moments you shared were actually an illusion. Whilst you may have cared for them deeply, you were nothing but a source of amusement to them. This truth would break your heart. Your world would come crashing down. The sobering realisation that the relationship never existed but was just a playground of lies and deception. A cunning trap to take advantage of your good will and good heart. 

Lies cause destruction to relationships and to one's integrity. Those who lie are naturally overly suspicious of others. After all if they make a habit of doing it all the time then it's easy to assume that others may be playing the same game too? Pathological liars cannot trust anyone, especially themselves. This can only create a restless, complicated and unstable existence for one. The whole point of getting into relationships is because we trust and want to open up to another. Being open means being honest which equates to more intimacy. Therefore lies only serve to create emotional distance and destroy any hope of a real connection. If you are constantly lying to your partner then consider the fact that you are choosing to be selfish and not loving them. You are protecting your own ego and abusing their free will by restricting them access to potentially unsavoury information. Important information that may otherwise cause them to act and behave differently. The more you lie, the less people really know you. Remaining in a relationship where you don't want to know or be known is simply illogical. If you truly loved this person then you wouldn't want them to accept nor suffer for your lies. The truth sets you free as they say.

If we had love for others we would want be truthful and not purposefully engage in relations that we know have no real mileage. We would be upfront about our emotional state. Perhaps we would even learn to love ourselves and seek counselling to break the cycle of hurting and using others. Truth never hurts - only the exposure of a lie. 

I would like to see couples come clean about their lies, even the ones that appear ancient or insignificant. Granted there is a risk that the relationship may disintegrate. However the relationship was never real in the first place. Then again, it may not spell the end in which case there's hope that the relationship could blossom into something more authentic, deeper and fulfilling.

If you wish to explore this personal matter further, please see me for a friendly personal consultation.

Sophie x

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